OFFICIAL BLOG

Fieldnotes

Poor Little Rich Women

Published by Wednesday Martin

When our family moved from the West Village to the Upper East Side in 2004, seeking proximity to Central Park, my in-laws and a good public school, I thought it unlikely that the neighborhood would hold any big surprises. For many years I had immersed myself — through interviews, reviews of the anthropological literature and participant-observation — in the lives of women from the Amazon basin to sororities at a Big Ten school. I thought I knew from foreign.


Happy Thanksgiving!

Published by Wednesday Martin
Hope your holiday is really cute!
Hope your holiday is really cute!
Hope your holiday is really cute!

Are You Your Own (and Your Step/kids') Concierge?

Published by Wednesday Martin
Am I the only one going crazy?
Am I the only one going crazy?

Any multi-tasking mom or woman with stepkids might relate to this...please have a read and post a comment on my newest piece for the Huffington Post!


The Un-Holiday: Happy Stepmother's Day

Published by Wednesday Martin

Much is written about Mother's Day being a difficult day for women with stepchildren. Especially for those who came into the lives of those stepchildren when they were very young, took an active role in parenting them, and are not acknowledged on The Day. Anyone who has read my book Stepmonster knows that I am the last one who would tell those women how they "should" feel on Mother's Day, or what is "right" or "wrong" to expect from their stepchildren and husbands on that charged and overdetermined day. Women with stepchildren hear enough lectures and shoulds. It gets old when it's your feelings at stake. Time to let stepmothers just have them, without promptly shoving a list like "Ten Ways to Be a Better Stepmother" into their hands right after.


Stepmonster featured on Jacque Fletcher's Website...and a podcast coming soon!

Published by Wednesday Martin

You might know about Jacque Fletcher's terrific book, A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom, and her smart and popular blog, becomingastepmom. Jacque has been featuring Stepmonster of late — I'm so excited to have her support here, and grateful that she's helping spread the message about the emotional reality of women with stepchildren. Check out her reviews and mentions of Stepmonster, and access to a podcast she and I recently recorded at:


Mother's Day thoughts from Susan Davis-Swanson of the Stepfamily Center in L.A.

Published by Wednesday Martin

I recently spoke with Susan Davis-Swanson of The Stepfamily Center in Beverly Hills. Susan is a therapist and stepmother herself, and she has a truly expert, compassionate sense of what women with stepchildren and stepfamilies go through. On Mother's Day, I found her thoughts about the (impossible?) task of building a family culture where no one is an outsider especially insightful and reassuring. Susan is here addressing her remarks to those of us who are stepmothers and then have a baby of our own. The birth of a baby is an exciting, exhausting time for the mother — and a stepfamily flashpoint.


Stepmonster on Steptogether.org, a Great Resource for Stepmothers

Published by Wednesday Martin

You will notice that www.steptogether.org is on my resource list. That's because it is a terrific resource for stepfamilies, particularly women with stepchildren, its main users. They have a helpful recommended reading list, essays like the famous "disengagement essay" and lively chat rooms and message boards. All this for free. Check it out when you need to feel that someone understands what it's like to be a woman with stepchildren. If you find the site as helpful as I do (and you are sure to), you can support steptogether.org by making amazon.com purchases through them, or by making a donation online.


It's Not Over 'til It's Over, But...

Published by Wednesday Martin

As I researched my book over the last three years, lots of women with older and adult stepchildren shared with me their sense of frustration upon discovering that stepparenting isn't just suddenly over or easier once the kids turn 18, or 21, or move out of the house. Sometimes, a father's emotional commitments and financial contributions continue into a stepchild's thirties and beyond. We're not talking about caring and spotting someone $20 for cab fare here. Women have told me stories of husbands who unilaterally decide to pay a thirty-something child's rent for the long haul, or remain embroiled in unhealthy emotional dynamics more suited to a parent and an adolescent.