OFFICIAL BLOG

Fieldnotes

#metoo

Published by Wednesday Martin

It's hard to remember an issue that has galvanized women like our recent national conversation about sexual harassment and sexual assault. Women are angry, fed up, and speaking up. Harvey Weinstein's harassment of women, his bartering for sexual favors with his influence as an image-maker who could make or break actresses' careers, went largely unchecked for years. And unsurprisingly, he had a whole army of enablers--everyone from the agents and managers who knew and kept sending actresses his way to the lawyers who made settlements, effectively silencing women and allowing Weinstein to continue harassing them. I have heard from dozens of women who tell me memories they had long buried are rising to the surface--memories of being propositioned at work, harassed, assaulted in any number of fields.


What Are Good Girlfriends (and Guy Friends) Good For? The Talking Cure Revisited

Published by Wednesday Martin
Hey lady, have you read the new research on siblings, friends, and stress?
Hey lady, have you read the new research on siblings, friends, and stress?

Women in stressful situations — does that ring a bell? — need social support. So call a friend and meet him or her for coffee and have a chat. Even if you don't talk about what's bothering you directly, it can make a big difference. Oh, and don't forget to read my latest post on psychology.com, about the newest research on siblings and social support!


Sticks and Stones...A Stepmother's Guide to Being Disliked

Published by Wednesday Martin
Being disliked takes a toll on women especially
Being disliked takes a toll on women especially

I recently wrote an article about Stepmothers and being disliked (look for it in the September Issue of StepMom Magazine). Tolerating that others may dislike us for reasons beyond our control, and in spite of our best efforts, is an important skill to develop.


Do You Do Too Much? Feel Stepped On? — How You Can End the Stepmartyr Cycle

Published by Wednesday Martin
Ever feel like even she might find stepmothering a trial sometimes?
Ever feel like even she might find stepmothering a trial sometimes?

Jacque Fletcher, author of the important and supremely helpful book Becoming a Stepmom and www.becomingastepmom.com, invited me to discuss "Stepmartyr Syndrome" with her several weeks ago for her terrific weekly podcast series. Here's the show. Have a listen and then tell me about it: Have you ever done so much for your husband's kids or your husband and his kids that you started to resent it? What were you doing? How did you change it. Are YOU a stepmartyr?


Top Stepmother Concerns: How to Get Thee to a Counselor Who Gets It by Kela Price

Published by Wednesday Martin
He or she doesn't have to be Freud to help. I just liked this photo.
He or she doesn't have to be Freud to help. I just liked this photo.


As we're addressing the concerns of you, women with stepchildren, a reality is taking shape. Namely, many of you could benefit from counseling. Either couples work or individual work, but something. But as stepfamily researcher, social psychologist and stepmother Elizabeth Church, Ph.D. notes in her book Understanding Stepmothers, it's possible that a therapist treating a couple in a repartnership with kids will do more harm than good. Church details that many of her patients came to her after being treated by therapists with no training, familiarity, or real experience helping remarried couples with kids. The results were unfortunate: therapists telling women to "treat stepkids just like they're you're own" and otherwise importing a first-family model to address stepfamily or stepcouple reality. Since stepfamilies are different, that doesn't work. These couples understandably became frustrated, discouraged, even hopeless before finding real help.


Tell Me About It — YOUR Friendships

Published by Wednesday Martin
Did you know friendships have a greater affect on your physical and emotional health than your marriage or partnership does?
Did you know friendships have a greater affect on your physical and emotional health than your marriage or partnership does?


I recently posted a piece on my blog that summarizes the research on how and why friendship is good for you. Now I want to know about YOUR friendships and support networks.


Social Support — that's "friends" to you and me — is your secret weapon

Published by Wednesday Martin
Friendship plays a huge role in our physical and emotional well-being
Friendship plays a huge role in our physical and emotional well-being


Do you have a Valentine's Day hangover? Have you read a million articles and heard a million news reports about marriage and love and crazy proposal schemes and so on over the last days and weeks? Couples and romance are big news — and big business. With so much recent emphasis on the couple bond, romance, love, sex, and so on during the build-up to Valentine's Day, some other very important relationships may not have gotten their due.


Tell Me About It: Your Favorite Discussion Board

Published by Wednesday Martin
Online support boards for women with stepkids — are any particularly helpful for you, and why?
Online support boards for women with stepkids — are any particularly helpful for you, and why?

Reader Ali recently asked me to recommend a discussion board for her so she can connect with other women with stepchildren online. There are so many, a couple of which I have listed on the side of my blog under "resources."


Jacque Fletcher on How to be a Stepmom's Friend

Published by Wednesday Martin
Wouldn't it be nice if your best girlfriend always gave you the benefit of the doubt when you confided in her about how tough it can be to have stepkids?
Wouldn't it be nice if your best girlfriend always gave you the benefit of the doubt when you confided in her about how tough it can be to have stepkids?

Did you ever confide in your best girlfriend about some aspect of stepfamily life that was driving you insane — rejecting, rude stepkids come to mind — only to find her looking at you like you were the Wicked Queen from Disney's Snow White? It really, really hurts when a trusted confidante doesn't get where you're coming from — or, even worse, judges you. Jacque Fletcher has taken on the task of writing up just how to be a good and supportive friend to a woman with stepkids. Pass it along to anyone you think needs to know! Also check out the podcast in which Jacque and I dish about what a good girlfriend shouldn't say to her stepmom pal: "Don't take it personally!"


Holiday Tip #8

Published by Wednesday Martin
Peggy Nolan says you should do this over the holidays. She's right.
Peggy Nolan says you should do this over the holidays. She's right.

From Peggy Nolan, this tip you need!! See my blog roll to the right for Peggy's site, the Stepmom's Toolbox. Full of great information, advice, and upbeat perspectives on stepmothering. Peggy Says...