As a follow-up to Kela Price's recent guest post about how to find a therapist to help you and your remarriage/partnership with stepkids, a couple of other things that might interest you as we wend our way toward Top Stepmother Concern #3 in the next few days.
As we're addressing the concerns of you, women with stepchildren, a reality is taking shape. Namely, many of you could benefit from counseling. Either couples work or individual work, but something. But as stepfamily researcher, social psychologist and stepmother Elizabeth Church, Ph.D. notes in her book Understanding Stepmothers, it's possible that a therapist treating a couple in a repartnership with kids will do more harm than good. Church details that many of her patients came to her after being treated by therapists with no training, familiarity, or real experience helping remarried couples with kids. The results were unfortunate: therapists telling women to "treat stepkids just like they're you're own" and otherwise importing a first-family model to address stepfamily or stepcouple reality. Since stepfamilies are different, that doesn't work. These couples understandably became frustrated, discouraged, even hopeless before finding real help.
Over the months, many of you have written me about your concerns as women with stepchildren. I'd like to list and address the top ten — so I need your help. What's on your list of top concerns? Here are some ideas from all of you so far (not in any order)...
I often find myself in a mind-meld with Kela Price, co-founder of the recently re-named Today's Modern Family web site (it used to be Blended Family Soap Opera. Being me, I had my reservations about the "blended" part — but felt she and her partner Diane Green were right on target with the "soap opera" half of the equation). Kela and Diane run an informative, supportive site and Kela authored the tremendously popular "Healthy Marriage or Healthy Divorce?" that had us all talking recently.
For any Canadian blog followers and FB fans, please tune in to your local CBC radio station tomorrow a.m. to hear me talk about the state of marriage in 2010, which will be running on numerous CBC morning shows nationally ! And call your local CBC station if you'd like them to air the interview.
A few days ago I published a piece on psychologytoday.com called "Is Marriage Necessary?" You can also link to it via the post below.
As we count down to Valentine's day in this Love, Sex, Romance, Power series, today I ask the question, "Is Marriage Necessary?" What can psychologists and couples therapists — and married people — learn from the history and sociology of marriage?
Have a look...and leave a comment:
No, that's not a typo. This post in the Sex, Love, Lust, Romance, Power series as we count down to Valentine's Day is about something every woman with stepkids need to learn: self love.
As promised, an article about love, sex, and romance in stepfamilies as we count down to Valentine's Day. Today's guest post is by Susan Wisdom, LPC. Susan wants to know, Why are you obsessed with your husband's ex? And she wants you to put your marriage first. Have a look...and leave a comment!:
This tip is born from the concerns of a number of readers who have been emailing me about holiday worries, dramas, and tribulations. It seems that the holidays can bring out the worst when it comes to charged relations with exes; "visitation shenanigans" as one reader puts it; and unresolved issues between us and stepkinder.