I explore the phenomenon of co-wife cooperation and conflict worldwide in my most recent piece for Psychology Today. Have a read — and post a comment please!
There's a new cultural pressure in town — to befriend your ex's wife, or your husband's ex. As you might know from reading my posts, I feel strongly that any woman married to a guy with kids and an ex should feel free to just say no to this pressure — to focus on her marriage and her own mental health and adjustment, given how depleting and decentering the role of stepmother can be and usually is.
Hi Readers, You know how I love Martin Babits, L.C.S.W., and author of The Middle Ground: A Couple's Guide to Renewing Your Relationship (http://www.amazon.com/Power-Middle-Ground-Renewing-Relationship/dp/1591026628/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s;=books&qid;=1256606628&sr;=8-1). Marty is a divorced dad, and here's what he has to say about a recent very important project — building a wall in his apartment once things got serious with his partner. The wall is going up today! Read the piece — and then leave a comment letting Martin know what you think of what he's doing:
I'm not sure many people noticed the presence of Joan Kennedy at Ted Kennedy's funeral. But I did. Writing about stepmothering skews your vision sometimes, and brings things into focus that interest only you (and, hopefully, other women with stepchildren).
In my last post I considered just how unrealistic the expectation that women married to men with kids will be able to win those kids over with warmth, kindness, and good intentions alone is.
La Belle Mere, a self-described "sprogless Brit stepmum blogger" who likes her "fags and adult bevvies" (I'm paraphrasing here) has written a three part series about why women with stepchildren sometimes feel inadequate, unhinged, and frankly insane.
My stepdaughter would deem the title of this post totally random. And it sort of is. But there is a deeper logic, sort of: these are the ladies and places I want to call to your attention — and thank.
Did you catch Oprah yesterday? The theme was "Secrets of Motherhood," and women were cutting loose (http://www.oprah.com/dated/oprahshow/oprahshow-20090311-secret-lives-moms). I laughed out loud at the story of a mom who was driving down the highway with all of her kids asleep in the backseat — bliss! A few moments, perhaps even an hour, of quiet to look forward to! But what to do about the fact that she was dying to pee? If she pulled over at a rest stop the crowd would wake up and make her life hell again, after all. So, like any self-respecting mom in desperate need of silence and a potty, she hauled a diaper out of the nearby diaper bag — and used it. You also have to give it up for the mom who said she thinks the secret of discipline is for your kids to think you're a little bit crazy and they just don't know what you might do next. Case in point: she threatened her daughter that if she continued to misbehave, Mom would get rid of ALL her toys. Her warning went unheeded — so she made good on her promise. Swooping into the room with a big garbage bag, she spirited every toy away, Grinch-style: "There wasn't so much as a Lego left." She left her kid high and dry for 24 hours, then returned the stash. But the lesson lives on: "All I have to do is get a certain crazy look in my eye," the woman reports, "and she knows I mean business."