Giving feels good, doesn't it? Baking and cooking for your family, being there for a friend, donating your time and money to a charity that matters. The holidays are all about doing for others.

So what are you giving yourself this holiday season? How about the gift of prioritizing your own pleasure?

Sounds strange, I know. As women we are socialized to to put others first to the point of depletion. We're taught that putting ourselves last is what makes us good mothers, good wives, good people.

I learned from my friends Latham Thomas and Tiffany Dufu that if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will. Is it a coincidence that so many women of color, living in a system that devalues them every day, know about prioritizing themselves and doing self care? I don't think so.

Lesson borrowed, with all respect and deep admiration. What could you do today to prioritze not just your well-being, but your PLEASURE?

If you're like most women, you've internalized the idea that male pleasure is IT. That women are extensions of male desire and exist for male pleasure. We restrict our calories and exercise complusively, some of us, in order to pleasure not just individual men, but The Male Gaze. Every magazine cover and vaginal rejuvenation procedure says, "Pleasing Men matters most."

So putting your own pleasure first counts as a radical act. Whether it's delicious food with no guilt, or time with your vibrator, let's get you there. Day by day. Step by step.

Starting right now, today.

Day 1: Simply tell yourself, "My pleasure matters. It's important." Then make a list of ten things that give you pleasure. See, you just put your own pleasure first. You sent a message to yourself and the world. More tomorrow.