12 Days of Pleasure--Day Seven/ Free Your Mind/ Sexual Fantasies

Published by Wednesday Martin

On day seven of twelve days of pleasure, free your mind and hook into your sexual fantasies. Chances are, you have them when you're having sex, to get yourself excited and help ensure a happy ending. They're normal. They're not some referndum on your mind or your relationship...they're just an indication that, like so many humans who have sex, you like to embellish and enhance it. My friend the sex researcher Justin LeMiller has written a great book about sexual fantasies--what they are, why we have them, what they might tell us about ourselves and the culture we live in.

Do you think your sexual fantasies are too weird to even thing about? Justin disagrees. Check out Tell Me What You Want CLICK HERE and you wil be thrilled at the sheer range and wonderful weirdness of the thoughts that get people excited.

But let's talk about YOU. Nancy Friday first asserted that women have sexual fantasies, too, back in 1973 in her book My Secret Garden CLICK HERE. People were SHOCKED. Until then, it was presumed that men were more sexual and hence the fantasizers. As Friday explained it, people had assumed women didn't have a sexuality apart from men, and that's why the simple fact that women have sexual fantasies came as such a surprise.

What do people fantasize about? Lehmiller tells us the most common fantasies are group sex and multi partner sex, BDSM, new positions and places, taboo and forbidden stuff (fetishes and voyeurism, for example) and homoeroticism/gender bending fantasies. I hope you are feeling a little less weird now, if you ever did.

In fact, there's plenty of lit suggesting that fantasizing does NOT mean there's anything wrong with our relationships. Even if you're fantasizing about someone other than your partner, which over 60% of women admitted in a survey conducted in 2011. Since women especially tend to underreport this kind of potentially stigmatizing stuff, we can presume the number is at least slightly higher.  These fantasies can help women, who new reserach indicates need variety and novelty of sexual expereince even more than men do, enjoy sex more CLICK HERE Sharing your sexual fantasies with a partner can enhance sex and even improve your relationship and communication, some experts tell us. But maybe you don't want to share. It's okay to be selfish about your fantasies. Just ENJOY them.