OFFICIAL BLOG

Fieldnotes

Boundaries 101: Lessons for Stepmothers by Mary Kelly-Williams

Published by Wednesday Martin
This makes it look so simple
This makes it look so simple

Today I'm running a special guest post by Mary Kelly-Williams, MA, a therapist and stepmother in Boulder, CO about boundaries. You need them if you're a woman with stepkids, but sometimes it's hard to know how to maintain them, how to assert them, for fear of being disliked or perceived as wicked. Here's Mary on how and why it's important to have your boundaries in the stepfamily, and protect them. Otherwise, you'll likely find yourself exhausted, depleted, and resentful. Have a read...and leave a comment!


Sandra Bullock's Saga: Step/Mother in the Spotlight

Published by Wednesday Martin
Well, who knows? But she is a mother now. Will she remain a stepmother?
Well, who knows? But she is a mother now. Will she remain a stepmother?


If you've been on my blog before you know that I am a celebrity/popular culture junkie. Since November, I've been following the Sandra Bullock saga (who hasn't?) and writing about it here, on Psychology Today and The Huffington Post. So, Sandra's now a mother and an ex-stepmother-to-be. What does it matter? Hope you'll check out my latest article on Psychology Today — and leave a comment!


Top Stepmother Concern: "His Ex is Making Our Lives Hell!"

Published by Wednesday Martin

When I asked about your top concerns as a woman with stepchildren, this one came up again and again: a partner's ex who is angry, undermining, and intrusive. Bottom line: this behavior indicates first and foremost that she is unreconciled to her ex-husband's repartnership. And you are a convenient target for her wrath. Now what?


Sadomasochistic Reenactments: Are You Trapped In One?

Published by Wednesday Martin
Stepmothers frequently find themselves on the wrong side of power. Some may be trapped in a sadomasochistic reenactment.
Stepmothers frequently find themselves on the wrong side of power. Some may be trapped in a sadomasochistic reenactment.


You might know from reading my blog and/or my book that I tend to look to sociology, human behavioral ecology, history, and even literary theory when I'm trying to explain what happens in stepfamilies and why women with stepkids think, feel, and act the way we do. I don't think psychology alone can adequately explain our culture's deep suspicion of and antipathy toward stepmothers. And I don't believe that we can "fix" a stepmother's situation by exploring her feelings in isolation, or focusing on what she alone is bringing to the table. Stepfamily systems are complex, everyone plays a role in the difficulty that often reigns, and too often, a stepmother who is demonized by the kids and her husband or partner as "the problem" feels herself further demonized by therapy that focuses on "her issues," as if those issues are not linked to actual dysfunction within the couple and stepfamily.


Stepmonster Q&A and Giveaway, Monday April 12th!

Published by Wednesday Martin
ask away...I'll try to answer
ask away...I'll try to answer


Hope you will join on the Enlightened Stepmother's Facebook page for a Q & A session with me on Monday April 12th. I'll be on from 10 am -2 pm answering your questions about stepmothering, stepfamily dynamics, your life as a woman married to or partnered with a man with kids...you name it. Oh — and there will be a giveaway of two copies of my book, Stepmonster. Please join! Click on this link on April 12: http://www.facebook.com/enlightenedstepmoms


What Do Women with Stepchildren Want? Talk in NYC on April 9th

Published by Wednesday Martin
Let's get to the bottom of this
Let's get to the bottom of this


I'll be giving a talk called "What do women with stepchildren want?" sponsored by the Associates Lecture Series of the Training Institute for Mental Health on Friday April 9th at 7:30 p.m. Hope you can make it. Cost is $15 and the address is 115 W. 27th S., 4th Floor, New York City, 10001. For more information click on this link:


Love Stories: Is Marriage Necessary?

Published by Wednesday Martin

As Valentine’s Day approaches, some recent, highly-publicized non-fiction debuts are sure to get you in the mood for romance: Staying True, by Jenny Sanford, chronicles the very public breakdown of her marriage to South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, who wasn’t hiking on the Appalachian Trail after all. Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb, the subtitle of which, the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, says it all, accuses you of being too picky and urges you to snap up that guy who’s an eight rather than waiting for the 10. And The Politician, Andrew Young’s explosive new tell-all about John Edwards, details his infidelity and exposes the second family he started as his wife struggled with cancer.


Is Your Teen Step/Child Addicted to the Internet?

Published by Wednesday Martin
How much internet/FB/Twitter/IMing is too much?
How much internet/FB/Twitter/IMing is too much?

Ever wonder if your/your partner's teen (or you) might actually be not only really into social media, but addicted to it? Today on my psychologytoday.com blog, check out the special guest post by Dr. Stephanie Newman...and leave a comment!