I'm not sure many people noticed the presence of Joan Kennedy at Ted Kennedy's funeral. But I did. Writing about stepmothering skews your vision sometimes, and brings things into focus that interest only you (and, hopefully, other women with stepchildren).
As a mother, I've felt tremendous relief and validation as writers (whether they're blogging or publishing in traditional print media) have recently blown the lid off the secrets lives and feelings of mommies. They have all my gratitude and respect for letting the cat out of the bag regarding the aspects of motherhood that were not spoken of much until recently. Like how mind-numbingly dull it can be sometimes to keep up your end of a conversation with a five-year-old, how infuriating it is to sunblock a toddler, and how you're ready for a drink (or at least a massage) by 10 a.m. some days.
One of the biggest points of confusion and controversy as I talk to people about Stepmonster and stepmother reality is the injunction, "Put the kids first" and "The kids should always come first" and other variations on this theme. It's become a virtual mantra since Constance Ahrons introduced the idea of "The Good Divorce" and highly cooperative co-parenting after a breakup as ideal for the kids. The members of the ex-couple, Mom and Dad, should put their differences aside, Ahrons urges, for the sake of a more harmonious "bi-nuclear family" or divorced family that spans two households. This will spare the kids from ugly, painful loyalty binds and help with their adjustment to the shattering of family life as they knew it.
My stepdaughter would deem the title of this post totally random. And it sort of is. But there is a deeper logic, sort of: these are the ladies and places I want to call to your attention — and thank.