La Belle Mere, a self-described "sprogless Brit stepmum blogger" who likes her "fags and adult bevvies" (I'm paraphrasing here) has written a three part series about why women with stepchildren sometimes feel inadequate, unhinged, and frankly insane.
I'll be discussing Stepmonster and stepmother reality this Tuesday, August 4th on NPR's "On Point," a two hour show airing on more than 150 NPR stations coast to coast (translation: you can run from Stepmonster, but you can't hide!)
If you are a woman with stepchildren who has experienced physical violence in your household at the hands of your stepchild or adult stepchild, or know someone who is, I would like to hear from you for research purposes. I also encourage you to find support so that you can feel and be safe in your home.
While researching my book Stepmonster, I interviewed a number of women from all walks of life who described being on the receiving end of aggressive and even violent behavior from teenage and young adult stepchildren. They described not just nasty verbal attacks but shoves, pushes, and in more than one cases, slaps and punches, usually in the context of a "showdown" when the stepmother demanded better treatment or an end to disrespectful behavior, asserting herself as an adult authority in the household. In many instances, the woman's husband or partner was actually in the home (but not in the room) when her stepchild got physical with her. These women were not describing protracted altercations, and were not in serial heated disputes with stepchildren; nor had anyone who described it to me ever been physically violent with a stepchild or child herself. In short, none of these women had a history of being physically violent or in physically violent relationships. And none of them were "mixing it up" with stepkids on a regular basis in any way or returning the shoves, pushes, and more. These blows came out of the blue, in a charged situation, shocking and humiliating them.
Jacque Fletcher, author of the readable, quotable, and supremely helpful A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom, has recently started a podcast series on her fabulous website, www.becomingastepmom.com. I was honored to be her first guest. As a couple of women with stepchildren who had written books about the experience and about stepmother reality, we had a lot to talk about. Have a listen sometime when you have an hour to kill...
http://becomingastepmom.wordpress.com/radio-show/
You didn't think I was going to ignore this, did you? Soap and Falcon Crest actor Lorenzo Lamas is apparently doing some advance p.r. for his upcoming reality show. And so he has dropped the bomb via Star: his ex-wife, Shauna Sand, allegedly had an affair with his son, A.J., back in 2002, while she was married to him (Lamas, that is). And that's why he (Lamas) dumped her and why his relationship with his son remains, to this day, strained.
The May 26 review of Stepmonster on The Step Mom's Toolbox is out! Tool Box Girl calls Stepmonster "a must read for every stepmom, and a great tool." She says my research is "impeccable and eye-opening" and calls Stepmonster "priceless and eloquent."
Over the holiday, while you were grilling hotdogs and eating potato salad, I was doing interviews with Fox News, the BBC Newshour/NPR, and the CBC. I'll post the links to the BBC and CBC interviews shortly (I am frequently stymied, it seems, by technological issues. But not for long!)
Here is the link to the interview I did on the Sunday Morning show "Fox and Friends" on May 24th...the hosts were both stepchildren! We talked about the important role the husband/divorced and remarried dad plays in his wife's adjustment in the stepfamily and more...
Heather Havrilesky, a Salon writer and stepmother, reviewed Stepmonster a few days ago: