...and if you were there, thank you for coming! It's a great independent bookstore and I was so pleased to have them hosting the reading and reception. When I overcome my technological ineptitude, I will post some photos of the event! Meanwhile, words will have to do: lots of friends, women with stepkids, and people interested in learning about stepfamilies turned out for wine, cheese, and a copy of Stepmonster.
This is what Brenda Ockun, president and publisher of Stepmom Magazine, the only monthly magazine for women with stepchildren, has to say about in the May issue of the magazine:
The Corner Bookstore at 1313 Madison Avenue will host a reception to celebrate the publication of Stepmonster on Thursday, May 7 from 6 - 7:30 p.m.
Second Wive's Club and Library Journal recently reviewed Stepmonster. Second Wive's Club recommended, "If you are looking for answers, validation, understanding, and solid information that will keep you sane, read this book before you read any other book on stepmothering. This eye opening book will give you a very stable understanding of the "why's", instead of a lot of pollyanna "how to's. Do yourself a big favor and get your hands on this book."
You will notice that www.steptogether.org is on my resource list. That's because it is a terrific resource for stepfamilies, particularly women with stepchildren, its main users. They have a helpful recommended reading list, essays like the famous "disengagement essay" and lively chat rooms and message boards. All this for free. Check it out when you need to feel that someone understands what it's like to be a woman with stepchildren. If you find the site as helpful as I do (and you are sure to), you can support steptogether.org by making amazon.com purchases through them, or by making a donation online.
Today I spoke to a woman with three stepchildren — she was thoughtful, articulate, and obviously very well-versed in stepfamily issues — who told me, in somewhat hushed tones, that she didn't like the term "stepmom," and didn't want her husband's kids to refer to her that way. "They already have a mom, and she's great, and I just don't want to share that name or create confusion. I don't want to be called that."
As I researched my book over the last three years, lots of women with older and adult stepchildren shared with me their sense of frustration upon discovering that stepparenting isn't just suddenly over or easier once the kids turn 18, or 21, or move out of the house. Sometimes, a father's emotional commitments and financial contributions continue into a stepchild's thirties and beyond. We're not talking about caring and spotting someone $20 for cab fare here. Women have told me stories of husbands who unilaterally decide to pay a thirty-something child's rent for the long haul, or remain embroiled in unhealthy emotional dynamics more suited to a parent and an adolescent.
Brenda Ockun, president and publisher of StepMom Magazine, is blogging about Stepmonster, which she has called "nothing short of amazing." Brenda is running an interview with me about why I wrote the book and what I'm trying to accomplish. Short answer: to tell the woman with stepchildren's side of the story for once! And to go beyond lecturing, "shoulds," and over-simplified advice to explore what stepmothering really is, in depth. Check out Brenda's mention of Stepmonster at http://stepmommag.wordpress.com/ She is also going to feature Stepmonster in her upcoming May issue.
Thanks to those of you who responded to my previous post about wanting to interview women who had young stepkids and then a baby for an article I'm working on for a national parenting magazine. I appreciate your willingness to be interviewed and look forward to talking to you.