April Choi of The Oklahoman recently wrote an article on stepmothering — an HONEST article that doesn't sugarcoat the issues, but doesn't leave you wanting to bash your head up against the wall, either. Thanks to her and The Oklahoman for quoting me and mentioning Stepmonster.
If you live in or near New York City and would like to connect with other stepmothers — including a clinical psychologist and stepmother who has spent her career figuring out how to do it and stay sane — you will not want to miss the next Steps for Stepmothers Workshop.
If you are a woman with stepchildren who has experienced physical violence in your household at the hands of your stepchild or adult stepchild, or know someone who is, I would like to hear from you for research purposes. I also encourage you to find support so that you can feel and be safe in your home.
While researching my book Stepmonster, I interviewed a number of women from all walks of life who described being on the receiving end of aggressive and even violent behavior from teenage and young adult stepchildren. They described not just nasty verbal attacks but shoves, pushes, and in more than one cases, slaps and punches, usually in the context of a "showdown" when the stepmother demanded better treatment or an end to disrespectful behavior, asserting herself as an adult authority in the household. In many instances, the woman's husband or partner was actually in the home (but not in the room) when her stepchild got physical with her. These women were not describing protracted altercations, and were not in serial heated disputes with stepchildren; nor had anyone who described it to me ever been physically violent with a stepchild or child herself. In short, none of these women had a history of being physically violent or in physically violent relationships. And none of them were "mixing it up" with stepkids on a regular basis in any way or returning the shoves, pushes, and more. These blows came out of the blue, in a charged situation, shocking and humiliating them.
Jacque Fletcher, author of the readable, quotable, and supremely helpful A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom, has recently started a podcast series on her fabulous website, www.becomingastepmom.com. I was honored to be her first guest. As a couple of women with stepchildren who had written books about the experience and about stepmother reality, we had a lot to talk about. Have a listen sometime when you have an hour to kill...
http://becomingastepmom.wordpress.com/radio-show/
You didn't think I was going to ignore this, did you? Soap and Falcon Crest actor Lorenzo Lamas is apparently doing some advance p.r. for his upcoming reality show. And so he has dropped the bomb via Star: his ex-wife, Shauna Sand, allegedly had an affair with his son, A.J., back in 2002, while she was married to him (Lamas, that is). And that's why he (Lamas) dumped her and why his relationship with his son remains, to this day, strained.
My stepdaughter would deem the title of this post totally random. And it sort of is. But there is a deeper logic, sort of: these are the ladies and places I want to call to your attention — and thank.
I've been wondering, How are we to understand the Canadian fascination with all things stepfamily-related? From their ground-breaking research to their break-out artists like Karen Piovaty (featured below on my blog) to their insatiable media interest in all step-topics, you have to wonder, Is it something in the water? I don't know. But it's working for this woman with stepchildren: Canada has been very, very good to me. A review of Stepmonster recently ran in 18 Canadian newspapers on the same day, and just a while later, the CBC did a second interview with me, this one for their radio show, Definitely Not the Opera, for which the theme was "An Inside Look at Outsiders."
Todd and Laura Mansfield are my kind of parents — and people. When they had questions about parenting, they made finding the answers a full-time job of sorts, founding Parenting Unplugged Radio. Enlightened Oregonians (is that a word?) that they are, they realized, when a listener contacted them about Stepmonster, that stepparenting has become an issue for everyone in our country.
If you love 30 Rock (Tina. Alec. The frisson between the two. The rest of the cast. What's not to love?) then you will understand how I feel about being invited to 30 Rock. Not the show, the address.