An image of stepmothers I've been particularly focused on dispelling these last weeks as I speak to the media: empowered, evil excluders and victimizers. As any woman with stepchildren knows, and as the research so clearly spells out, our perceptions of who stepmothers are could not be further from the reality. The studies and anecdotal reports from mental health professionals who work with stepmothers actually paint a picture that will startle many: stepmothers are by and large the most powerless and vulnerable members of the stepfamily system.

You can hear the podcast of my WNYC interview on the Brian Lehrer show by going to www.wnyc.org, then clicking on Brian Lehrer, then going to his podcasts.

This is what Brenda Ockun, president and publisher of Stepmom Magazine, the only monthly magazine for women with stepchildren, has to say about in the May issue of the magazine:

Second Wive's Club and Library Journal recently reviewed Stepmonster. Second Wive's Club recommended, "If you are looking for answers, validation, understanding, and solid information that will keep you sane, read this book before you read any other book on stepmothering. This eye opening book will give you a very stable understanding of the "why's", instead of a lot of pollyanna "how to's. Do yourself a big favor and get your hands on this book."

You will notice that www.steptogether.org is on my resource list. That's because it is a terrific resource for stepfamilies, particularly women with stepchildren, its main users. They have a helpful recommended reading list, essays like the famous "disengagement essay" and lively chat rooms and message boards. All this for free. Check it out when you need to feel that someone understands what it's like to be a woman with stepchildren. If you find the site as helpful as I do (and you are sure to), you can support steptogether.org by making amazon.com purchases through them, or by making a donation online.